When I grow up I want to be......

One of my college professors told me that a person should only pursue a music degree if there was nothing else they could do. In other words, if that is the only apparent talent, if there are absolutely no other interests, then that avenue would be wise. I've often pondered that as I've walked this rough road of the music profession. Now, many people look at me like I have a monkey on my head when I say that, as they proclaim, "I'm so jealous of you - you get to set around and do music, listen to music, write music and get paid for it!" Oh if that were only true. Forget all the lonely, painful hours of practicing that often never lead to the conclusion you or your professor want. Forget the nervous breakdowns before concerts.....forget all that. It's all rosey.

So what about music makes it a difficult profession? Well, for starters, It's feast or famine. Unfortunately, it's been famine for me. I have friends I went to school with who play for the St. Louis Symphony Orchestra and make three times - literally three times - as much money as I make. I've searched for a happy medium (although the "three-times" amount would be fine) but have never found it. It's a lot of part-time work - very little opportunity for full-time employment in music. Now, granted, I've been blessed to have a full-time music teaching position at Gateway College of Evangelism for the past 14 years (wow - has it been THAT long?). As anyone would guess, music MINISTRY gets treated much like any other ministry when it comes to pay. But I chose this route, right? I take full responsibility for that.

The other difficulty, among many, that I"ll point out is dealing with all those lovely egos. I just can't seem to acquire enought sense to stop pursing a doctoral program, which is suprising considering the results I've often had. It's dog-eat-dog, at least in my experience. Sometimes I wonder if some of those schools even WANT students! And the critiques are so very personal. I've experienced my deepest hurts during interviews with music professors - THAT I can say with certainty. But I m ust also say that some of the most humble, broken people I know are musicians.

So what would I do if I weren't a music educator? Hmmm....so many dreams. I always wanted to be a chiropractor - almost went to school for that. If I weren't so "old" I'd probably try it even now - that and the fact that I have to do math - a "four-letter-word" in my book. That aside, I would like to be involved in history at some level. I heard of a guy who archives American music for foreign countries - a job he has through the State Department. That would be neat. History and music. I'd like to do tours for famous landmarks, like Monticello or Mt Vernon. Or, I'd like to be involved in WWII history somehow.

But here I am - setting here in my office at Gateway typing this blog surrounded by music. I love it and appreciate it the joy it has afforded me, no doubt. But sometimes I just want to throw all my scores out the window and sell the piano and walk away. For now, I'll stay on this roller coaster and see where it leads.

I'm reading- "Where is God When It Hurts" by Philip Yancey (favorite author) and "Mourning Into Dancing" by Henri Nouwen