Someone once said to a room full of pastoral staff that if you never considered leaving ministry then you probably weren't working hard enough. The whole room laughed and for a brief moment there was a bit of transparency that everyone had at one point asked themselves what exactly were they working so hard for? On that positive note, I would like to share just such a moment with you lovely people.
It was an overcast Sunday morning, I was arriving at morning rehearsal at the last possible minute, I was exhausted from the rat routine of life, and those warnings of effective leaders rendering themselves ineffective through overworking and lacking passion were screaming very loudly in my head. Once inside I discovered that there was no sound crew, the singers and musicians were united in their inability to prepare for the one song that the entire worship set was built around in both theme and key relationship, and it seemed that each singer was determined to be flat just to spite me. Rehearsal was a nightmare, and although I was constantly praying under my breath that I realized it wasn't about me I walked onto the platform for the 9:00 service in a very crabby sort of mood.
In the first few moments of the service which included an opening by a staff pastor that was lackluster and disorganized followed by a team of musicians that missed an introduction I was beginning to wonder why on earth I put so much time and energy into this moment. After all, aren't our Christian lives supposed to be much more effective and large outside of these brief weekend moments? Do I really even feel called to this? I am starting to dislike these wonderful people, isn't that a terrible thing to be avoided at all costs because isn't ministry about loving such people? As the first moments of the service were fumbled through by unprepared musicians and people trickled into the sanctuary with the lackadaisical attitude that marks Southern California church culture I was ready to throw in the towel.
It was in a very bad attitude that I lifted my eyes from the keys and the immediate surroundings of what was happening musically and really looked out at the congregation. The first thing I noticed was the group of new converts who came from the same half-way house lined up on the front row with their friends that keep accompanying them, and they all seemed to have tears flowing down their faces while they sang their way through the song. I started to see more and more individual faces as they offered themselves up their worship in a vulnerable and beautiful manner while singing along with the worship set as it flowed from moment to sweet moment in God's presence. I saw stories and people who represent vastly different cultural experiences and backgrounds come together in that moment to seek one thing that they desire above all else and prove it in their pursuit of intimacy with God.
Of course such moments bring tears and repentance and humility, but even more a great sense of validation and the reminder that there is nothing that can replace the realization that you are being used in that moment to facilitate the experience so many gather to encounter in the little Sunday morning church service. It breaks down any sense of personal accomplishment when you realize that these people would still push towards God in spite of your lack of musical preparedness, yet because you take it seriously the moment is all the better and your offering as a musician and singer is something you give in each moment you prepare for this. I realize that in all things we do in word and deed is done in the name of Jesus, but on that Sunday morning my service to the people of God is done as much behind closed doors in whatever preparation I engage in as much as it is in the musical performance of the worship set itself.
It is a fairly new intention of mine to respond to the obligatory, yet sincere comments from people that they loved the music of the church service by saying that it is really about creating space for that encounter with God. I then ask if they liked the song, did they know it, and is there anything they sing throughout the week in devotion that really impacts the moment? The feedback so far has been somewhat constrained as people are not sure if they can be totally honest, but it is my goal that my church music department pours as much as we possibly can into the people who attend our services. It is likely that frustration will occur, but perhaps not at the moment that represents the culmination of a musician's sacrifice and service.
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